July 6, 2008
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"She's got a light around her and everywhere she goes a million dreams of love surround her."--Billy Joel
1 comment:
Hi,
I've read four or five of your stories, and I am intrigued. Your story telling, imagery and development of place (and to some extent character) is quite good, especially in the last one I read, "Welcome to . . . Forever".
If I may, I'd like to suggest two areas you might want to consider developing further.
While description is good, and details of color, sound, and attendant visuals certainly can assist the reader, the details should focus on forwarding the flow of either the narrative, the situation or the conflict. Details merely to paint a picture can slow the narrative and distract the reader.
You also might want to allow the flow of the story, and the action and dialogue of the characters to do some of the "explaining." Exposition or the listing of information by the disembodied narrator is never as strong a choice as having information imparted by the story, characters or unfolding conflicts.
I say these not as criticisms but suggestions, as you seem to be on the cusp of becoming a very good writer.
Good Luck Bob
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